The best spam comments, Part 3 (March-August 2016)

It’s that time again! I always worry a bit that I’m going to stop getting interesting spam messages, but thankfully over these last 6 months, the spammers didn’t disappoint. As always, these posts are lifted straight from my spam inbox – I have not edited out any of the spelling and grammar mistakes!

For Part 1, click here.
For Part 2, click here.

Let the games begin!

Let food be your medicine and medicine be your food.

Coffee had better be considered food.

Great lead up to Halloween Father, rank that up there with the Exorcist, I was expecting heads to spin around and projectile vomiting at any moment.

Seeing the words “projectile vomiting” kind of put me off my breakfast. Well done, spammer.

The Big Brother house breathed a sigh of relief today when former bessie mates
Noirin and Marcus put their differences aside and buried the
hatchet. Gossip news app Other notable hairstyles:
Dan’s uncontrollable hair in Season 5, which B so happily
pulled on during their makeout sessions. 

Wow, I did a bit of googling (since I don’t watch Big Brother) and Noirin and Marcus are names of actual people on the show? Factually accurate spam. I’m amazed.

Generally, the loud covers are a give away how the kid wets
the mattress, so youngsters will not have mates over.
As mattresses saved in a person’s room influence probably the most basic
portion of his or her life, the hygiene must not be negotiated.

Spam about bedwetting. I feel like I’m approaching parts of the internet I really don’t want to see.

How many cups is 100g

Was Siri on strike?

And slowly, so slowly, I hope I am teaching them feelings
of personal responsibility. The upside about it can be
the fact it doesn’t harm to obtain hit in the discs, they’re rubber and
cozy. Nerf guns for toddler This means you may only obtain the energy
from KI once per 4 seconds, it doesn’t matter how often you

Nothing says personal responsibility like giving children Nerf guns!

Luis D. Garcia of the IRS in Detroit gives advice on
How to avoid common


The objective of the lightning typing game is to strike down the approaching mice with lightning by typing the words they are carrying along with them.

Oh my god. Lightning Typing is a real game. If I had known about it as a kid, I would have played this for hours.

On a related note, I was reminded of an old favorite from elementary school: Number Munchers! Did anyone else play this?

You could make this extra fun by adding a dance
off and some disco balls/ funky lighting.. This one is especially good for the older kids.

Saturday Night Coffee Fever!

This piece was a lifckaejet that saved me from drowning.

Holy cosicne data batman. Lol!

Pin my tail and call me a donyke, that really helped.

Well, call me the hokey pokey as I turn myself around, cuz that’s what it’s all about! I love word scrambles.

Your articles are for when it abulostely, positively, needs to be understood overnight.

What can brown do for you?


“…the whole point of becoming a writer is that it’s the laziest possible way to earn a decent living, in theory at least. Rito9?&quht;That&#3g;s what I signed up to. Thing is, I’ve never worked harder at anything else in my life. I was conned and I’m fecking raging about it!gb

HAHAHAHAHA!! Oh, this made me laugh hard. I’m not a professional writer, but the idea of it being a lazy way of earning a living is hilarious. There’s something so paralyzing about having to put thoughts down on paper.

In personal mastery, the internal change is actually more important than what had happened to you.

Sort of profound. Anyone else getting a fortune cookie vibe from this spam?

Why people still make use of to read news papers
when in this technological globe everything is presented on net?

My heart died a little due to this grammar.

Will probably be again to get more. Thanks.

Some people just take take take! (You’re welcome.)

You are my inhalation

That’s almost romantic.

obviously like your web-site but you need to test the spelling on several of your posts. A number of them are rife with spelling issues and I to find it very bothersome to tell the reality on the other hand I?¦ll surely come again again.

Okay, this REALLY burns my biscuit. Don’t you dare accuse me of writing posts rife with spelling issues!

Yli-Luoma works carefully with the beans in each batch, keeping the flavors more on the juice and berry side, and adjusting accordingly. This brings out nuances other roasters would be wise to think about, but are sometimes an acquired taste. Heart is of the lighter roast school which isn’t everyone’s cup of amber, but certainly has its fans for a more delicate coffee tasting experience.

Huh. On-topic spam. I’m impressed!

Great site, make it up!

What do you think I’ve been doing? 😉

Aw, this was a very good post. Finding the time and actual effort to generate
a superb article but what can I say I put things off
a whole lot and don’t seem to get anything done.

Ahh, I see you know my old friend, procrastination!

Take down those curtains and replace them with blinds. make you get out of bed in the morning ready and excited about your day? These This could make you a happier and more full of energy person total.

Or, being awoken by the sun earlier than I would like could make me want to kill everyone in my path. Hmmm.

Excellent beat ! 

😀 *rimshot*

I think everything posted was very reasonable. However, what
about this? suppose you wrote a catchier title? I mean,
I don’t wish to tell you how to run your website, however what if you added a title that grabbed folk’s attention? I mean The best spam comments (March-September 2015) – Coffee Cantata is
kinda vanilla. You should peek at Yahoo’s front page and note how they create post headlines to grab people to
click. You might try adding a video or a related
picture or two to grab readers excited about
everything’ve got to say. In my opinion, it would bring your posts a little livelier.

Okay, I’ll concur. My titles are pretty boring. How about,
“You’ll NEVER look at coffee the same way once you learn about this one amazing secret!”
“Doctor reveals hidden weight loss trick via espresso”
“She drank some coffee with her eyes closed. When she opened them, my jaw dropped! Click to read why!”

See you in 6 months for Part 4.

(Update, September 2017: I think either the filters are getting better, or spammers have just not been on the ball with funny messages since this post because there really has been nothing worth saving from my spam folder in the last year. What a pity! So, I will have to say this series of posts is now over but thanks for the memories…)

Review: James Coffee Company Ethiopia Geisha (San Diego, California)

This is only the third Geisha coffee I’ve had an opportunity to taste-test on this blog; the first two, from Square One and Oak Cliff Coffee Roasters, both originated from Panama, so I was especially excited to get to try this Ethiopian Geisha from James Coffee Co. Call me shallow, but I LOVE the glass jar that this coffee was shipped in. It’s like I got my own little coffee prescription!

Whole bean: The aroma was mild, a bit plasticky (which I find common among natural-processed Ethiopians), with a hint of unfrosted strawberry Pop-Tart. Once ground, the strawberry and sweetness were amplified.

French press: A bit smoky, with a flowery scent and flavor. As it cooled, the brew tasted more like tart strawberries.

Chemex: Sweet vanilla flavor, with a bit of pastry (again, unfrosted strawberry Pop-Tarts!). Smooth and floral on the finish. I really liked this!

AeroPress: Really nice brewed as a concentrate! Floral, sweet, full-bodied, with no bitter or sour flavors.

V60: At a 2:45 extraction, it had a pithy, slightly bitter flavor at the start, but improved as it cooled, emitting tart strawberry and floral flavors after a few minutes.

Summary: This was a delicious coffee made in a Chemex and an AeroPress; the Chemex rendition was my personal favorite for its vanilla and pastry notes. As with most Geisha coffees, it’s rather expensive ($17 for 8 oz at press time). Worth it? For an occasional treat, I’d say yes!

From the roaster: Jasmine, strawberry jam, vanilla, balanced body

James Coffee Company Ethiopia Geisha

Review: James Coffee Company Night Owl Espresso Blend (San Diego, California)

I’ve considered getting a hand grinder for making coffee when I travel, but I have yet to do so because for me, part of the excitement of traveling is trying things I can’t get at home. In the case of coffee, this means trying local coffee shops and seeing what roasters they carry. On my recent trip to the San Diego area, Shutterbug and I found ourselves in Escondido on a Sunday morning and hopped on Yelp to find a coffee place that was open. One particular place, called Culture Craft Coffee and Espresso, caught our eye. Interestingly, we discovered it is located inside of a Lexus auto dealership! Yelpers gave us very detailed instructions on how to find the place, for which we were grateful (what floor to park on, what floor to take the elevator to, etc.).

Once we were in, we were helped by a friendly man who seemed very happy to talk coffee with me once he saw me eyeing the bags of James Coffee Co. beans that were out on the counter. I ordered an Americano to go, as we had someplace to be shortly. What I wasn’t prepared for was the explosively sweet, comforting flavor that filled my mouth when I took my first (and second, and fourteenth!) sips from the cup. Oh my goodness. The cup was filled with the aroma and flavor of caramel and brown sugar. If I didn’t know better, I would have sworn someone snuck a bit of toffee into my cup. I don’t typically drink Americanos, but it definitely was the best Americano I’ve ever had!

After arriving home the next day, I called the coffee shop to ask what beans they had used in that magical Americano, and the person on the other end told me it was the Night Owl Blend from James Coffee Company. He didn’t seem fazed at all when I said I had the best Americano of my life at their shop – made me wonder if it’s something they hear a lot? 😉 In any case, I made an order from James as soon as I was able.

Whole bean: Rich, chocolaty, toasty aroma.

Espresso: I wasn’t quite able to replicate the brown-sugary flavor I had at the shop, but my equipment (Baratza Vario grinder + Quick Mill Silvano machine) created some delicious shots that were heavy on the chocolate, and were very tasty in their own right.

Favorite parameters: 17 g in, 32 g out, 203 degrees F, 24 second pull. I wrote in my notes, VERY CHOCOLATY!

With milk: This got a thumbs-up from Shutterbug. Chocolaty espresso + steamed milk = can’t go wrong.

AeroPress: Smooth result in the cup. The flavor was not particularly distinctive or interesting, but it was pleasant.

French Press: Just for fun, I tried this in a press pot. Like the AeroPress, it was smooth, but rather bland brewed this way compared to how it tastes as espresso.

Summary: This is a pretty terrific espresso if you enjoy chocolate/caramel/toffee flavors. It’s great straight or in a latte! I think these beans shine best when brewed as espresso; it’s perfectly pleasant though brewed in an AeroPress. This would be a great bean to use if you don’t own an espresso machine but would like to make a coffeehouse-style drink at home.

From the roaster: Organic blend of rich heavy bodied coffee with dark notes of hazelnut and maple syrup.

James Coffee Company Night Owl Espresso

Review: The Missing Bean Unbirthday Blend (Oxford, England)

This tasting is a direct result of me getting to spend a little over a week in a dream destination for me (England) so though I’m going to remain as objective as possible about the coffee, I can’t help but smile when I think about just about everything related to this journey. Rose-colored glasses alert ahead!

This trip was an opportunity to see family in London and to bask in the ephemeral beauty of live music. In between concerts, I got to spend a day and a half exploring the city of Oxford. What a stunning, gorgeous place. I am incredibly envious of all those who get to live in a city that is such a feast for the eyes! I won’t bore you all by recounting every jaw-droppingly beautiful sight I saw on my visit, but there were many. However, my favorite part of my time in Oxford was getting to spend time at a pub with my friends Mark and Katie. Katie had previously tipped me off that I needed to check out a particular coffee shop in Oxford called The Missing Bean, so that was one of my first stops the morning after I arrived. At their cafe, I enjoyed two double espressos that had a lingering, decadent flavor of toasted marshmallows and honey.


That’s one happy coffee geek pictured. Good grief, my right hand looks HUGE! Am I a fiddler crab??

Later that same evening, Katie and Mark surprised me with a bag of this Unbirthday Blend, which made me so happy because I hadn’t purchased any beans at the shop and the roastery (on the other side of town) had closed before I had an opportunity to get there. I misread the label initially and thought it said Unhappy Birthday Blend, and I got rather excited until I re-read it and realized it wasn’t a Smiths reference. Oops.

(Just a thought to the Missing Bean: I’m sure there are probably copyright issues involved with doing this, but how cool would it be to name your blends after songs by Oxford bands/musicians? OX4. Morning Bell. Hot Fruit.)

When I did this tasting at home, I was a bit under the weather with a head cold, so I probably didn’t get to really experience the full flavor/aroma of this coffee.

(Spoiler alert: It was still massively enjoyable!)

Whole bean: I didn’t look to see what the blend consisted of before opening this bag, but I could pick out the scent of natural-processed Ethiopian beans with no problem. That berry brightness is so distinctive that there is no hiding it! I also smelled caramel, dark chocolate, and blackcurrants, particularly once the beans were ground. What a deliciously intense aroma!

V60: I made this twice, and at both a 2:40 and 3:10 extraction, the resulting brew was a bit less flavorful than I had hoped. The scent of the ground beans was quite sweet, but the coffee had a bit of a flavor like lemon pith (moreso with the shorter extraction time). However, the coffee did smooth out in flavor as it cooled.

AeroPress: This was my favorite method for these beans. I actually “ooooh”ed in the kitchen when I took my first sip of this brew! Beautiful caramel/butterscotch flavor in the cup, with a lovely touch of blackberry flavor to brighten up the brew and keep it multi-dimensional. This cup highlighted what I like about good blends – making a good coffee blend is like adjusting the treble/bass levels until you get just the right balance of sound out of your stereo. Don’t dilute this AeroPress concentrate with water, as the coffee was perfectly balanced and richly flavored straight out of the brewer. I tried this the way I always brew with the AeroPress (regular method) but I suspect if you use the inverted method, it would be even better.

Chemex: Clean, sweet aroma at a 4:00 extraction, but this method had the same issue for me as the Hario V60 – I think it’s just tricky using a pourover method in this case to extract all the full flavors this blend is capable of. I was left wishing for a bit more dimension.

French press: After tasting the AeroPress cup, I had high hopes for this brewing method, and it didn’t disappoint. It was a delicious blend of tastes – I couldn’t pick out any one predominant note but it was lively and kept me sipping to try and figure it out. Dangerously addictive, all these layers of flavor. It’s like one of those songs that you can listen to repeatedly without getting bored.

Summary: This blend shines beautifully in immersion methods. Caramel and berry flavors are the main highlights, and it’s an absolute stunner in the AeroPress. Thanks to The Missing Bean for adding to the list of things I adore about Oxford… the architecture, the history, the music scene, the people… and now, the artisan coffee. I hope to have a chance to return in the future to try some of your single-origin coffees!

From the roaster: No tasting notes on the bag or the website, but the bag does state that the Unbirthday Blend is a combination of Ethiopia Sidamo Guji, Guatemala Fedecocagua, and El Salvador El Engenio.

Sadly, The Missing Bean does not sell their beans online, so you’ll have to trek to Oxford to get their beans. I wish I didn’t live so far away!

The Missing Bean

Review: Bird Rock Coffee Roasters Nebula Nectar Espresso Blend (San Diego, California)

Here’s a roaster I was pretty excited to check out (again). I had received a couple of bags of Bird Rock Coffee from my sister as a birthday present a few years back (pre-blog), and I remembered the coffee being delicious, so when I had the chance to visit San Diego recently, I made sure to stop and get a bag of beans from Bird Rock. In fact, it was the first stop I made after landing at the airport. Don’t judge me too hard, it was only 2.2 miles from the terminal!

Whole bean: Sweet, syrupy scent. I wrote “melon??” in my notes – I was thinking honeydew but it was hard to pinpoint. Once I ground the beans, it smelled pretty strongly of graham crackers.

Espresso: I feel like I didn’t get quite as much time to experiment with these espresso beans as I would have liked, simply because I had a lot of coffees to try. But, the espresso I pulled with these beans definitely lived up to the notes on the bag in that it was very, very complex. Ristretto shots came out with notes of s’mores, graham crackers, honey, and cantaloupe. Normale shots (how I ended up preferring this espresso) came out with loads of complexity and notes of mango. For anyone that’s had the Asian candy Hi-Chew, one particular shot tasted just like the mango flavored Hi-Chew.

Favorite parameters: I don’t feel like I really discovered all the secrets of these beans, but for anyone wanting mango Hi-Chew espresso: 199 degrees F, 18 g in, 29 g out.

AeroPress: Smooth, round flavors. Not quite chocolate – more like flat Coca-Cola, which actually was a bit more pleasant than it sounds. Floral scent.

With milk: I think I made one latte with these beans for Shutterbug, and he wasn’t super enthused. It was drinkable, but I imagine this particular espresso shines best when consumed without dairy. Adding milk to something that tastes like cola/s’mores/melon/mango all rolled into one? Yeah, that sounds odd to me too.

Summary: Very complex, multi-layered espresso that should be consumed straight or as an Americano. I would be interested in trying this bean again sometime as I don’t feel like I unlocked all of its potential, but I sure had fun trying!

From the roaster: Maple, honeydew, rose, root beer

Bird Rock Coffee Roasters Limited Edition Nebula Nectar Espresso Blend